The In-Laws have arrived

My boyfriend’s father is staying with us for five weeks and after one week I am so over this new dynamic. I actually like my in laws a lot but now they are planning to move to the same city and I don’t like this new dynamic. My boyfriend’s father is from a different generation and a different country. 

He is a very nice guy but very demanding as of now. What bothers me is this new dynamic, suddenly I am getting snide comments for American dishes, all the music he wants to listen to is German polka music and he snores like a wild animal. I don’t know if I am being overly sensitive, but no thank you. I can’t last five weeks without being able to watch my cable shows like the Daily Show, eat the food I like or just generally enjoy the conforts of my home whenever I like. I got so frustrated this morning when he used up the last clean towel and I wanted to take a shower. He is extremely rude to our Pakistani neighbor, constantly complaining, I don’t really get why he wants to move here if he is complaining. The city is not the countryside and people do have mixed internationalities and backgrounds here. 

The problem I have is that if I say something I am the nagging woman. My boyfriend of course wants to make his father feel welcome and comfortable, but at the cost of our daily routine and the life we feel comfortable in ? 

I feel if I don’t look out for myself now I will just be left behind, especially if they are gonna move near us. 

My Conservative Views on the LGBT Community

The ABC series “When We Rise” inspired me to share my views. Those are my personal opinions, not intended to harm anybody.

I grew up with a generation of kids that experienced this immense shift of how LGBT people are perceived. I don’t think that most people with a disdain for gay people actually understand where their feelings are coming from. I believe that people at their core are always loving, so I was baffled how really sweet people in my community at the same time could take badly about a group of people that had never touched their lives.

I do admit that there was a time when LGBT people made me feel uneasy, it was not that they had done anything to me or said something. So I tried to understand where my feelings were coming from, just the notion of my catholic faith and upbringing felt like a cop out to me. There are countries and cultures where nobody has ever talked about the LGBT community, where this issue feels invisible if you live in that world, and I did grow up in such a world, so when LGBT became an issue in my generation, it was “unknown” to me. Very often people fear the unknown, and the easiest way to combat it is, is to talk about issues that are unknown. What made me uneasy about LGBT people was that I did not understand it. It might be easy for some people from the get-go to understand it, it was not for me. Initially I viewed the LGBT issue from the standpoint of “same-sex love”, but it made it easier for me to understand under the stand point of simply people loving each other. I thought more and more about whether it mattered when it came to the topic of love if the gender of the two individuals mattered, in the end I came to the conclusion that it did not.

My other conviction that I hold is that I can only speak for MYSELF, this may sound simple, but to me, it means that nobody is entitled to tell anybody else how to live their lives. It pains me when people with conservative family views and catholic faith speak hatefully about LGBT people, also because there is always the chance that one day there might be an LGBT person in their family or my very own. I think this is the junction where the issue of LGBT concerns us all. Every LGBT person has a family and loved ones or is a loved one to somebody, in the end we always want our loved ones to be treated well.

I know that for myself, my relationship I do want the family format of a man and a woman, hopefully one day married in a church wedding with children, but those are the wishes for my life. While I do view myself as a conservative, I think every way, however people want to live the time they have on this planet deserves respect. I love how there are different types of families, and I find it exciting. This is how I came to love the diversity in our society and I dearly hope that despite the current US presidency even more people no matter from which walk of life they come from they come to respect people with different views.

There is enough room for all of us, it is of utmost importance that we all share our stories and experiences.

 

Exam week is coming

I need a break from my mother’s illness. Surprisingly what helps me is focusing on school. I have a lot of exams coming and I really need to do well on them, or at least pass them in order to finish my degree.

Here is my fight plan to get through the next two weeks.

  1. I’m taking my notebook with my exam notes everywhere, so I can go over my notes any time.
  2. I make sure I get 8 hours of sleep.
  3. I force myself to get out of my apartment before 9, because if I don’t I won’t make it outside before 2 pm, and then half the day is already wasted.
  4. Lists… whenever I need to get something done, I need to make lists, lists, lists.
  5. I will not be going out, drink or indulge in those pleasant evenings with my neighbors. I have the sweetest neighbors in the world, but any time we get together, the evenings never end.
  6. I try to avoid cramming, instead I try to portion the material, because if I need to learn this all at once, I can bury myself right away.
  7. Eating healthy, for me this means eating enough veggies and substituting my love for soda pops with green tea.

In the weirdest way, school work is becoming my safe haven. College is giving me a space that I can be myself in separate from my mother battling cancer. Others are already leaving university, but I don’t want to yet. It is the only place that feels right to me at this moment in my life.

Helping…

The thing that is expected the most of one, when you have cancer in your family is to HELP. It is such a little word that entails so much. When my mother told me that she had cancer I wanted to do everything for her, I wanted to cook, shop, drive her everywhere, despite her being in good condition.

The situation we are in is, my mother is divorced, her father is dead, her mother is 79 and I am her only child. I do not live with her, I have my own little place and pay my own bills. My problem is her expectations of me versus what I can give her. I have bills for my car to pay, for my apartment and there are living costs I need to cover. Meanwhile I am a full time student. So, all in all I am working, studying and try to help my mother as much as possible.

So what is my problem with helping? When other people, nurses, friends of my mothers, or whoever thinks they can dictate how much I should or can be there for my mother. I spend every minute that is possible supporting her, running errands for her, taking her to a doctor. It riles me up when I have work coming up that pay my most existential bills and then there is a nurse that tells me to cancel a work appointment for one of hundreds of doctor’s appointments. Yes, every appointment is important! Yes, I am very sad for my mother that we don’t have a big family where everybody pitches in to support!

It might seem selfish, but I need to survive this cancer too. I can’t cancel work appointments and not be able to pay for my food or my car that also serves as a transportation for my mom. I cannot give up my entire life and devote 24 hours to the care of my sick mother, because sadly that is not a luxury I can afford. Only few people understand my dilemma. Most people argue that my mother is dying and I am ungrateful, I am not ungrateful. It hurts every time when people tell me I am not doing enough. Over the Christmas break I did too much, and  a lot of people might say that you cannot help your sick mother too much, especially when she is dying, but it was too much. I did not eat properly anymore nor sleep. I devoted so much time and energy that I had a terrible case of the flu which turned out to make things worse, because if you have the flu you cannot under any circumstance be around cancer patients. To cancer patients this is very dangerous. That was the point when I realized. Giving care also means that I need to look after myself properly in order to be able to help my mother. This is something I neglected for the first two months, because of a lot of bad advice, but I am getting better at this, day by day!

 

 

Goodbye 2016! Hello Cancer!

I don’t even really know how to look back onto the year I have had. Two grandparents died and my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I am 24 years old as of yesterday. I don’t feel old enough to say good-bye to my mother. I am still in college, I have not figured my life out yet. There are so many things I want to do together with my mom. I need her to help me pick out  a wedding dress one day. She deserves the chance to meet her grandchildren and be the doting grand mother she wished all her life to be. She deserves so much and stage IV cancer is not one of them. At this point I won’t even say which type it is, because honestly it is so wide spread and in so many places I don’t know which part is the worst. The last two and a half months have been very hard for me since I came to know what my mother had.

What was really hard for me, was that my mother did not even tell me because she wanted to tell me. She told me because she told one of her best friends, who herself survived breast cancer and urged her to share this news with me. For the past year my mother and I had the worst strained and estranged relationship imaginable, so much happened in that year and somehow the news of her having cancer brought us back together again. It all felt, and still feels like a whirlwind rollercoaster!

So much has happened and only now I am beginning to feel like I have my feet on the ground again. It is a unique and painful experience. I still do believe God has a plan, I do not quite know what it is, but I do still believe in God.

This Christmas break was very hard for me, my mother had an emergency surgery that she barely survived and I spent Christmas and New Year’s Eve without family, because I feared I might say something wrong. Nobody in the family knows what is going on per my mother’s wishes and I feel like I am lying to everybody that loves her by saying nothing.

The only thing that has helped me, was the realization that no matter what was going to happen, I knew I would be okay. I felt the opposite at first, I do not know why this feeling has changed, but ever since I feel like I need to trust in God a little bit that he will take care of me, I feel better. It helps.

I never imagined sharing all of this, but it is bottling all up inside of me. I really hope that sharing my story and journey will help me. Maybe somebody who is in a similar situation is reading this and might be able to give me some advice. I would really appreciate it.

Thank you for reading!

Bacon Coconut and Arugula Salad

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On my quest to eat healthy but not give up on taste I’m trying out different recipes. This is an arugula salad with bacon bits, shredded walnut and coconut and pumpkin seed oil

Ingredients:

– 300g of bacon
– 200g of arugula (1 pack)
– 3 table spoons of crushed walnuts
– 3 table spoons of crushed coconuts
– 1 cucumber
– 10 cherry tomatoes
– 1 onion
– 2 table spoons of pumpkin seed oil

Cooking time: 30 minutes
Serves 3

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Directions:

1 Preheat the oven to 250 ° Celsius.

2 Wash salad and put it into the bowl.

3 Dice cucumber, tomatoes, onions and bacon.

4 Add the cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, coconuts and walnuts.

5 (See picture above) Add bacon into a pan, to make it crispy I used the natural fat of the bacon instead of oil or butter. Then to make the bacon taste insanely awesome pour two table spoons of pumpkin seed oil over the bacon.
Let the bacon roast in the oven for approximately twenty minutes.

6 Add everything together and enjoy!

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Bon appetit!

The Global Prepster

Turkey Risotto

There is nothing I love more than a healthy and delicious meal. Eating healthy does not mean you have to compromise on taste. Here is a lovely recipe for a turkey risotto, which is a nice way to welcome fall into your home.

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Ingredients:

– 1 yellow pepper, diced
– 15 ounces turkey breast, small strips
– 16 ounces diced tomatoes
– 3 tablespoons sesame oil
– 1 celery stalk, diced
– 1 cup of basmati rice
– 1 table spoon of red pepper/ paprika powder
– 2 onions, 1 diced
– garlic if preferred
– 1 cube of chicken soup broth
– 1 table spoon low fat margerine

Serves: 3
Prep time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 30 minutes

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Directions:

1 Bring a large pot of water to boil, add paprika seasoning, sesame oil, one diced onion and all diced tomatoes.

2 In a second smaller pot add a little oil until it sizzles then add the turkey breast stripes until the edges are gold brown. Then pour everything into the large pot. Again add oil to the smaller pot, add one onion cut in stripes. Depending on how crispy you want them to be let them sizzle.

3 Now add the onions and the rest of the ingredients into the larger pot, make sure that the rice is always covered by water and let it all cook for twenty to thirty minutes approximately.