My boyfriend’s father is staying with us for five weeks and after one week I am so over this new dynamic. I actually like my in laws a lot but now they are planning to move to the same city and I don’t like this new dynamic. My boyfriend’s father is from a different generation and a different country.
He is a very nice guy but very demanding as of now. What bothers me is this new dynamic, suddenly I am getting snide comments for American dishes, all the music he wants to listen to is German polka music and he snores like a wild animal. I don’t know if I am being overly sensitive, but no thank you. I can’t last five weeks without being able to watch my cable shows like the Daily Show, eat the food I like or just generally enjoy the conforts of my home whenever I like. I got so frustrated this morning when he used up the last clean towel and I wanted to take a shower. He is extremely rude to our Pakistani neighbor, constantly complaining, I don’t really get why he wants to move here if he is complaining. The city is not the countryside and people do have mixed internationalities and backgrounds here.
The problem I have is that if I say something I am the nagging woman. My boyfriend of course wants to make his father feel welcome and comfortable, but at the cost of our daily routine and the life we feel comfortable in ?
I feel if I don’t look out for myself now I will just be left behind, especially if they are gonna move near us.
I don’t even really know how to look back onto the year I have had. Two grandparents died and my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I am 24 years old as of yesterday. I don’t feel old enough to say good-bye to my mother. I am still in college, I have not figured my life out yet. There are so many things I want to do together with my mom. I need her to help me pick out a wedding dress one day. She deserves the chance to meet her grandchildren and be the doting grand mother she wished all her life to be. She deserves so much and stage IV cancer is not one of them. At this point I won’t even say which type it is, because honestly it is so wide spread and in so many places I don’t know which part is the worst. The last two and a half months have been very hard for me since I came to know what my mother had.
What was really hard for me, was that my mother did not even tell me because she wanted to tell me. She told me because she told one of her best friends, who herself survived breast cancer and urged her to share this news with me. For the past year my mother and I had the worst strained and estranged relationship imaginable, so much happened in that year and somehow the news of her having cancer brought us back together again. It all felt, and still feels like a whirlwind rollercoaster!
So much has happened and only now I am beginning to feel like I have my feet on the ground again. It is a unique and painful experience. I still do believe God has a plan, I do not quite know what it is, but I do still believe in God.
This Christmas break was very hard for me, my mother had an emergency surgery that she barely survived and I spent Christmas and New Year’s Eve without family, because I feared I might say something wrong. Nobody in the family knows what is going on per my mother’s wishes and I feel like I am lying to everybody that loves her by saying nothing.
The only thing that has helped me, was the realization that no matter what was going to happen, I knew I would be okay. I felt the opposite at first, I do not know why this feeling has changed, but ever since I feel like I need to trust in God a little bit that he will take care of me, I feel better. It helps.
I never imagined sharing all of this, but it is bottling all up inside of me. I really hope that sharing my story and journey will help me. Maybe somebody who is in a similar situation is reading this and might be able to give me some advice. I would really appreciate it.
Thank you for reading!